Daldoum 3

This is our last discussion, allow me to ask the important questions 

Please.

We spoke about his mother and his father, now tell me about him. How did he know your existence? 

I think he always knew about me somewhere in the back of his mind. We did not converse until he was a five-year-old. I think earlier he was so consumed by his family and, from the moment he started developing an individual personality, our meeting was inevitable. 

How did that happen? That first meeting

As they grow, kids tend to move around. Nile was no different. He lived in a big house. Space was essential in his life and he was used to it. At age four, he was allowed to go out but he was still a bit scared, so he moved around close to home. At age five, he was sufficiently bored and mustered enough courage to extend his perimeter. He would go to the village. 

This was actually a big step for him, on many levels. You have to take into account that Nile, at this stage, is an only child, how has been raised exclusively indoors, and who has not yet met anybody of his age. He has not met anybody, in fact, outside of his family. That was part of the reason his mother wanted him to go out, despite the protective nature of his father. 

So, to the village he went, could you describe that experience? 

To the village he went, indeed. 

The village is located on the bank of a small river, like most villages I suppose, and kids would play next to it. 

His house was uphill, somewhat isolated from the village and the villagers. As you'd imagine, that was intentional. Neither the family nor the villagers wanted to live next to each other, even though they depended on each other deeply. 

That walk downhill was one of the closest I've seen him get excited. He's always looked from the hilltop to the village, but it was always from a safe distance. This time, he was actually going there, and the more he walked, the more it got closer. He started slowly, but with gravity and excitement pulling, he broke into a run in no time. He was very agile as a kid. He still is.

I'm having a bit of trouble with this excitement, isn't he supposed to not feel any joy? 

Yes. But he was a child. You have to take into consideration that, while the contract is extremely malicious, the spirit of the red river does have clauses that it won't break. One of those is leniency with children. It's only when they come of age that the full extent of the contract is felt. So as a kid he could experience some feeling and, as he moved closer and closer to adulthood, they would slowly dissipate until at one point, he would not remember ever having had such feeling. In a sense, I find that even sadder, wouldn't you agree?

Anyway, let's not get side-tracked: back on the hill, running towards the village, he was indeed excited. He had the spirit of an adventurer. And in no time, he was downhill. 

I guess you're right, it might be even sadder to forget feelings than to not have them at all. 

What did he find downhill? 

He found the village. 

It was early in the afternoon, and the village was almost empty. There were only the children and a couple of stray dogs, and the children were playing outside, by the riverbank.

He made his way through the village slowly, and took his time walking around. He saw the village store from afar and approached it, and found the storekeeper sitting outside. They looked at each other and the guy smiled at him. He continued on his route and reached the farms and saw the people working the land. He stood there and breathed for a bit. it was windy and he smiled as he felt the coolness of his sweat evaporating. It was peaceful times. 

Seems like a nice enough experience 

He then turned and moved towards the river bank. He passed again by the store. This time it was closed. It didn't strike him as odd. He continued to the river bank and found the children playing. He looked from afar, he was isolated and it was very rare for him to see children. He approached slowly with his head down. It wasn't long before one of the kids threw the ball in his direction and before I knew it, he was playing with them like long lost friends.

That was a nice sight for my weary eyes, and I took to the river for a moment and prayed. It wasn't common for us to have such moments.

Oh, I didn't know you pray

Everything does I think, in one sense or the other.

Those two hours were peaceful. I remember savoring them dearly and watching the sun slowly climb down the horizon as the afternoon was coming to a close. Helas, the dusk came too soon and with it, the evening took hold. Some people believe that sunset is when bad spirits come out. 

One of the women came to look for her child and saw Nile. I remember that moment vividly. He looked at her with a smile. She did not return it. She was as if thunderstruck, horrified and absolutely furious. She called her boy and took him in her bosom, and started cursing Nile. "The cursed child" she screamed, "Move away from the devil" she howled at the children, "Move away or you will be cursed" she spouted, which was nonsense obviously, but it didn't matter. You got a hysterical woman that had a very perverse version of the truth, if you let her talk, you'd soon have an entire village with an even more perverse story. 

She screamed and cursed. The children were bewildered at first but soon joined in the action. One of them had the brilliant idea of throwing a stone, then all of them were throwing stone. Nile stepped back towards the river while still facing them. The children retreated with the women hastily, their screams lost momentum and soon were suffocated by distance. Nile sat on a rock on the riverbank and crouched his head. He stayed at that position until nightfall. I was sitting next to him, worried sick. Only a couple of hours ago it was bliss.

 

After a while, still in his crouching posture, he looked at me. I was taken aback. I knew he couldn't see me but at that moment I was not completely sure. He held a severe stare in my direction, and then he uttered: "This, this is because of you, you are responsible for this". He held his gaze for a couple of minutes, and then he stood. Moments later, we were walking uphill. 

How did that make you feel? 

A lot, to put it simply. It made it feel a lot. I wasn't used to experiencing so many emotions at the same time. I felt devastated, sad, proud, excited, and angry at the same time. 

I was devastated by the realization that he hated me. I always knew it was there, but him saying it with such disdain, that hit me on a different level. I was sad for him and sad for not being able to help him enjoy life like an ordinary kid, I was disgusted at myself for playing a part, small as it was, in his alienation from his peers and I was furious at that ignorant woman for ruining the day of a 5-year-old child by pure hate and xenophobia.

I was also proud, proud of my Nile, standing up to the kids and to me like that. I never imagined he would be able to sense me so sharply at such a young age. He knew exactly where I was and spoke directly to me with such authority in his voice. He hated me but he was not afraid of me, and that thought made me jubilant. He was such a brave and firm boy. In fact, it was then and there that I knew that he was destined for more than that little village and its petty people. 

Listening to you talk about him this way, I can't help feel I'm hearing a father talking about his son. Would that analogy be accurate? 

I guess you could say so if it helps you better grasp the nature of our relationship. Then again, I never had any sense of authority on him. Perhaps in the earlier days, it was a bit more applicable. Nowadays we're more like partners. 

I've always felt protective of him and motivated solely by him. I was made for him after all.  

I can't wrap my head around you to be fully honest, you were made by hate to make him miserable, yet you seem to love him so much. could you elaborate on that more? 

This will be your last question. Are you sure you want it to be this one?

 Yes, why, do you think there are more interesting subjects that we have yet to discuss?  

I think it is up to you to decide what is interesting for you and what's not. But in all honesty, I think it's a good question to wrap up. 

To understand how I got here, let's start by the grace of God. 

It is important to understand that, in his infinite wisdom, God created spirits with free will. Every living thing in this world and other worlds is free. It is an obligation that comes with life. 

But freedom does not exalt from other obligations. And here's where things might get messy if you're not paying attention. 

In her contract with the spirit of the red river, the old lady specified its clauses and paid for the agreed-upon services. The spirit of the red river is free on how it executes provided that the services are met with the expected level of timeliness and quality. 

Here's where I come into play. Given the nature of their contract and the sheer hatred that the woman had, the spirit of the red river made arrangements to transfer that energy across worlds so that the woman could die light and her spirit could float. Hate weighs a lot on one's spirit and brings it down. You need to be free of such weight upon death. 

Once transferred into my world, such energy gave way to life. And life is, by definition, free. Once I drew breath, I was free. By design, I was made out of pure hate and you'd expect me to be nothing but hate, and you would be right. In fact, in this case, you would have been right 9 times out of 10. 

Yet, by His grace, I was an anomaly. The moment I laid eyes on him, I had but pure love. I couldn't really explain it. It made no sense. But I like to think some things are beyond logic. 

It is important to understand my position, I have no obligation to hate him, or love him, for that matter. The spirit of the red river has an obligation, and it exercises its influence partly through me. my mere presence by his side acts as a guarantee that it's been holding its end of the deal, but I have no active action in that.  

I guess in the end, I can take solace, mild though as it may be, in the fact that I've always wished him well and loved him beyond belief or reason. I've always been by his side even though it meant that he would be miserable. I've always loved him, even though it might mean nothing to him, and even though he despised me deeply. 

But I still loved him, throughout his first years, I loved him. Through the hate and agony of his mother, I loved him. Through his later days at the house and the unimaginable hate he had for me at that time, I loved him. Even now, as he is becoming more and more what he is meant to be, I still love him.

We had a lot of downs, Nile and I, a few ups here and there but a lot of down. One thing remains true though, whenever I think about how I felt the first time I heard his voice, I feel nothing but absolute gratitude.